John Barrowman reveals he contemplated suicide

John Barrowman has admitted he thought about taking his own life after being accused of flashing cast members on the sets of Doctor Who. 

The actor, 57, said his world came crashing down and his career in TV came to a standstill after the claims emerged in 2021. 

John, who is set to star in the upcoming series of Celebrity SAS after a long hiatus from screens, said he spiralled into a deep depression, so bad he contemplated suicide. 

'I had thoughts of suicide, going out and trying to do certain things and harm myself, and a couple of times debating how I was going to kill myself. The thing was I couldn’t do it because of my family and friends,' John told The Mirror. 

John issued a public apology in May 2021 after the claims emerged he had flashed cast members on the sets of Doctor Who, where he began playing Captain Jack Harkness in 2005 and spin-off series Torchwood a year later.

The actor described his actions as 'tomfoolery' that he'd 'never do now', but slammed critics, who he said sought to portray his actions as 'sexual harassment'. 

He was later dropped from Dancing On Ice after pressure from figures including the Tory MP Alec Shelbrooke, who said it would be wrong to include him on a 'family show' as this could be soon as 'condoning' his past behaviour.

Despite being sacked from Dancing On Ice, John controversially still appeared on All Star Musicals, another ITV show. He was also forced to cancel his Centre Stage tour due to poor ticket sales.  

He said: 'Something that was a stupid prank that was done amongst cast members and who the cast members never complained, never said anything about, but a narrative was created that apparently I was going around and throwing my c**k on people’s shoulders, which was not true.

'We had pranks, but they were amongst the company members and we all laughed and had fun. I was being, in a sense, publicly punished and humiliated for those things and also being cancelled.' 

John said it made him devastated to be called a 'sexual harasser' and insisted he 'would never do anything to harm a woman or a man or anybody, transgender, you name it'.

The actor will now appear on Celebrity SAS - but quits the show just hours into the first day of gruelling training. 

After previous reports it was because he turned his nose up at the accommodation on offer, John said he actually decided to walk after being shouted at by the SAS officers. 

He said: 'The DS started shouting things at you like, ‘You’re nothing. You don’t know who you are, and you can’t do this and you’re going to learn a lot about yourself.’ And through the process, I kept thinking to myself, ‘I know exactly who I am’,' he said. 

John admitted he expects backlash due to his extremely short stint on the show. 

He said he wanted to go on to 'tell my side of the story, to channel his anger through the extreme physical challenges and show viewers the devastating toll the claims had on his mental health. 

The actor, who is married to Scott Gill, added he has accepted work offers will be much slower than what they used to be and that he plans to go on tour. 

John previously spoke about the accusations on Lorraine. 

When questioned by the host if he felt his behaviour had 'crossed the line', John agreed that if it were to happen today then it would be, but was quick to accuse people of turning his actions into 'sexual harassment'. 

He explained: 'I think that if it was now, it would be crossing the line. I think that something that happened 15 years ago, it was bawdy behaviour, silly behaviour, it was being done in the confines of the set, and we were like a family, working together.

'The fact that it was stories that I’ve already told. I’ve been telling them for years. I haven’t hidden anything, they’ve been exaggerated, and they’ve tried to turn them into sexual harassment which it absolutely is not.'

Series six of Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins will air on Channel 4 every Sunday and Monday from September 22, at 9pm. 

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